I have been thinking a lot about my brother who passed away suddenly in 2014. He was my only sibling, and I still miss him deeply. He was the kind of person that was a friend to everyone. He never met a stranger, and always had a joke to share. He would go out of his way to help his friends, or strangers, and he asked for nothing in return. There was standing room only at his funeral because of the influence he had on his teacher colleagues and on the youth he coached and taught.

At his funeral we played the song, “He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother, “by the Hollies, because my brother exemplified the words of the song in so many ways. He was a true brother to anyone who needed him, and he never considered that giving a hand up was a burden.

 A line from that song has been stuck in my head for days.  It says, “If I’m laden at all, I’m laden with sadness that everyone’s heart isn’t filled with the gladness of love for one another.” In this crazy world where hate seems to gain more traction every day, why is it so hard to love one another? Why can’t I see myself in the eyes of everyone I meet? Why is it so hard to understand that we are made of the same cosmic dust and that we are all one?

For too long, patriarchal religion has been the religion of duality – right, wrong; black, white; male, female; good, evil. I judge and am judged by where I land on the spectrum between the extremes of each polarity. My ego becomes the arbiter of who is right and who is wrong, who is worthy and who is unworthy based on a set of values and internal rules that I have absorbed through religion and culture. I decide if my brother is worthy of being carried. I decide to love or not love based on a criterion that I may not even be conscious of.

What if I quit judging and saw everyone as my brother or sister? What if, instead of judging someone’s actions, I could look into their eyes and see a fellow soul on its own unique journey? What if my heart could fill with gladness because I could freely and unequivocally love that other person? What if I could freely and unequivocally love myself?  

The real burden for all of us lies in not being able to truly see the soul of another and to love that soul no matter what. The real burden lies in carrying a set of rules in my head about who or who is not worthy of love. I want my heart to be “filled with the gladness of love for one another,” and to do that I must look at others as well as myself through the eyes of love.

My brother was not perfect, but he was open, loving, and accepting.  He saw everyone as his brother and was willing to help them bear their burdens without judging whether or not they were worthy. He set an example for me and others that I hope to emulate.

In loving memory of Chris Byler, brother to all.

Barbara Garland
July, 2023

The link to the lyrics:
https://www.google.com/search?q=lyrics+to+he+ain%27t+heavy&rlz=1C1CHBF_enUS959US959&oq=lyrics+to+he+ain%27t+heavy&aqs=chrome