TICK-TOCK

This morning, as I look out over a cold, snowy landscape, I realize that all I want to do is wrap up in a blanket with a cup of something hot in my hands. I don’t want to DO anything, including writing this blog. Many of my readers are probably snowed in and feeling the winter blah’s just like I am.

So why is it so hard to take a day for myself? What is it about me and my world that it is an imperative to always be productive? One of the cards I drew this week was “Tick-Tock.” The illustration is a picture of hands holding a pocket watch, which is attached to a hot air balloon. The numbers are flying off the watch. Just looking at that picture makes me feel hurried and behind. The clock is ticking; things are in disarray; I don’t ever have enough time; and time is of the essence.

Of course, time is of the essence for me. I am 73 years old, and there is a lot less time in front of me than behind me. I need to be deliberate in how I spend my time and not waste any of it. If I am to write a book or make a difference before I die, I need to get on with it.

And yet there are times like today, that I don’t want to DO anything. I want to curl up with a book or with a cup of tea. I want to play a computer game or sit and stare out of the window. I don’t want to hurry. I don’t want to do anything constructive.

I recently read a quote by Bertrand Russell which said, “The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.” For those of us living in the go, go, go culture of the United States, that is a very hard concept to embody. It is engrained in my psyche that I must always be productive. Tick-Tock – the clock is always ticking. Time rules. Everything is on a schedule. I must never be late. I must always have something to show for my time.

What would happen if I could believe the idea that time is a human construct? What if I believed that in the eternal scheme of things, I have all the time I need, whether in this life or the next? I probably won’t learn everything I need to learn in this one lifetime, but I will have other lifetimes to get there and other times to figure it out.

I am not saying that I need to ignore deadlines, be chronically late, or no longer be productive. I am saying that giving myself time to play, to relax, or to take a mental health day is okay in the grand scheme of things. I am enough. I can be myself. I can rest. I can play. I can enjoy the beautiful moments of a snow day without guilt. I don’t have to DO to be worthy and valuable. I can enjoy that steaming cup of tea before I get on with my day.

Tick-Tock doesn’t have to mean hurry, hurry, hurry. It can mean immeasurable, Divine time in which everything has a season and shows up exactly when I need it. It is okay today to relax into that knowing and have a cup of tea. I hope you give yourself the grace to join me.

Barbara Garland
February, 2022