Today I celebrate my 74th birthday. Sometimes I beat myself up because it has taken me so long to get to where I am spiritually. On the other hand, I know that I got here as fast as I could, that each step on my journey was exactly the right one to get me to this day. My life has been filled with wonderful, exquisite moments as well as moments of deep darkness. I am a bundle of contradictions, fears, vulnerabilities. I am also filled with the sacred and the holy. In other words, I am trying to find my way just like everyone else on the planet.
As 2022 gives way to a new year, my thoughts begin to focus on what I want to discard and what I want to bring into my life. What I am continuously learning is that life is a constant series of discarding and adding, of deaths and rebirths, a constant descent and ascent to and from the underworld. With each descent I face my shadows, and with each ascent I began to incorporate those shadows into who I truly am. With each descent I become less fearful. With each ascent, I become more confident in my human/divine nature. In this process, I become more cognizant of how much I am held in love.
As the new year approaches, one of the main things I wish to let go of is fear – fear of being my true self, fear of being vulnerable, fear of being wrong, fear of stepping into who I truly am. As I shed that fear, I will then be able to bring into my life the confidence and courage to live an authentic life.
As I continue to learn and grow, I realize that I will never “arrive.” As long as I have my faculties, I will always be seeking; I will always be questioning; I will never have all the answers. What I know now however, is that being grounded in divine love is where I want to ultimately find myself. I want to be able to manifest that love in all my interactions on this earthly plane. Because I am human. I don’t always manifest love, but my fervent desire is to continue to do my best to remember to act from the heart every day, in every way possible, whether it is with other humans, animals, or the earth herself.
As I age, I imagine that there will be more and more descents to the underworld. I want to be able to remember that I will never be alone in the darkness, that love will sustain and hold me, no matter what. Each descent will teach me more about who I am until I am ready to cross over into a new dimension, one filled with the love and light of the Divine Feminine and the Divine Masculine. No matter what, I am held, and I am loved – as are you.
Barbara Garland
December, 2022
