Grief and Anger

I am quite sure that I am not the only one feeling a deep sense of grief, anger, and outrage at what is happening in Ukraine right now. Putin’s war is putting, not just Ukrainians, but the whole world in danger. We, as individuals, can do little to change what it is happening. We can only watch as the horrors unfold while we continue to pray for peace.  

As I wrote last week, it is important for each of us to be the peace we wish to see in the world. Last week, as I sought to be peaceful, I did the very opposite. I blew up over a very trivial matter. I was livid over a lamp. When I cooled down, I realized that my anger wasn’t over a lamp; it was really the grief I felt at what is happening in the world, the helplessness that I feel when I watch madmen kill and destroy because of their fragile, ego-driven hubris.

As I worked with my own emotions, I once again realized that anger is another side of grief. Sometimes it is easier to express anger than it is to express grief. This is especially true when the grief is not personal. I am grieving for things that are happening, not to me, but to people on the other side of the world. I am grieving for the losses of people whose names I do not know. I am grieving for the destruction of cultures, of freedom, of lives on both sides, of humanity itself. In that sense it is harder to recognize the feelings as grief. It is much easier to be angry.

Everyone, if they live long enough, experiences grief. In one’s lifetime, there are a myriad of losses, and each of us tries to deal with those losses in our own way. There are degrees of loss, but each new grief can bring up the old losses as we face life without someone or something dear to us.

Grief hollows me out and makes me into a new creation, no matter how I deal with it. It can be a hallowing out, bringing me closer to the holy, or it can be a hollowing out leaving me empty and lost. It is how I respond to the griefs of my life that makes me who I am. Through my grief, I can become more compassionate and empathetic, or I can become brittle and embittered.

I am convinced that those of us on the spiritual path will feel the grief of the world more acutely than those who are not connected. When I am deeply connected to God/dess – Source, I feel the deep grief of the Creator.  I cannot help but share Her grief and deep sadness in watching humans who are determined to destroy each other and the earth which sustains them. If I weren’t spiritually connected, I don’t think I would feel as much. However, what I am feeling is deeply connected to the Holy, and I don’t want to sever that connection. I want to use my grief as a catalyst for empathy, compassion, and ultimately peace. I want to continue to feel deeply, being conscious and awake, to recognize that my strong emotions are connected to more than just a lamp.

Barbara Garland
March 2022