I believe that it is important to all of us from time to time to take a look at our own shadows, those things about ourselves that we deny. Last week, I talked about Lucy, my little shadow girl who tries to protect me by trapping me in perfectionism and the fear of standing up for myself. I have given my inner power over to Lucy, when in fact, allowing her to run my life is harmful to me and all my relationships. When I don’t allow my own vulnerabilities to show, I deprive myself of the love and intimacy I crave.

As I look at my shadows, I see that the very things that bother me the most about others are the things that I deny in myself. I am just as capable of horrible actions as those whom I judge so harshly. I have the capability of being a liar, a murderer, a thief, a racist – if the right circumstances are present. But I also don’t want to admit that I am less than the perfect good girl. On the other hand, I am also capable of being the things that I admire the most in others. I am intelligent, spiritual, talented, kind, and giving. I am not “less than” but rather I am complete and whole just as I am.

It was no accident that Jesus said to “love our neighbors as ourselves.” It is not possible to truly love another without loving myself and accepting myself as a whole, intact, human being. If I do not believe that I am worthy of love, then I am not able to see others as being worthy either. If I cannot love myself, I cannot truly love another person.

Loving myself is not selfish or egotistical. It is simply looking at all of me – the good and the bad – and accepting and loving every part of me. It is believing that I am worthy of love in all of my imperfections. It is knowing that I am a creation of the Divine, and that the Divine lives in me and through me.

It is never easy to accept my own darkness, nor is it easy to accept my light. As a human, I am constantly judging myself as too much or not enough. It is only when I look unflinchingly at my whole self and love all that I see, that I can become the creation that I was meant to be. At that point, I can step into my true inner power and radiate love into the world.

Barbara Garland
October, 2022