Tag: Freedom

FREEDOM TO BE I & II

For it is the light that reveals the shadows for the imposters that they are.

Goddess Inspired

March 31, 2024

Tagged Freedom, light, Protection, Shadow

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FREEDOM TO BE I

What are the things that hold me back,
That keep me from growing into who I am meant to be?

Those pesky shadows, the unconscious beliefs that only want to protect me, to save me from embarrassment –
The “I am not good enoughs, the I am unworthys, the I don’t belongs,”
Those nagging doubts that stop me in my tracks just as I step over the threshold of creativity.

I will embrace them, play with them, thank them for their service, then expose them to the light.
For it is the light that reveals the shadows for the imposters that they are.
The light unveils them as nothing more than protective constructs designed to keep me in my place.
The light releases me from their power and allows me freedom to be my true self,
the soul that I was meant to be.

FREEDOM TO BE II
Shadows hold me back,
A prisoner to their thrall.
Light frees me to be.

When Does the Spiritual Become Political?

Breaking Free of Lucy

There is a small child that lives inside of each of us who is dedicated to protecting us at all costs.

Goddess Inspired

October 22, 2022

Tagged Actualization, Freedom, Inner Child, love, Protection

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There is a small child that lives inside of each of us who is dedicated to protecting us at all costs. This little child sees its job as helping us to survive. The difficulty is that what is necessary to our survival is subject to a child’s interpretation.

My little girl’s name is Lucy. A long time ago Lucy decided that in order for me to survive and be loved that I had to be perfect. I had to become the perfect “good little girl.” That meant that I always had to excel at everything I did. I always had to be submissive. I always had to be kind. I could never do anything that would cause pain or even discomfort to another. If I crossed those lines, I would never be loved – by the people who were family and friends, by the wider world, or even by God.

Consequently, I became a very good little girl. I excelled in school, was compliant and obedient. I mothered my brother and cousins and took care of stray animals. I wasn’t loud or rowdy, and I never, ever bucked authority. I became the queen of perfectionism.

I don’t for a minute believe that my parents had any notions of trapping me in this perfectionistic, good girl persona. I believe that my little girl, Lucy, in her unformed and childlike innocence, interpreted my life in such a way that she believed that my very survival depended on these traits. In her child’s mind, the only path to love was through being a very good girl.

Even though I am an elder and have worked hard at loving and understanding myself, I only recently realized the power that Lucy has over me. Being a good girl is not a bad thing per se. It is only when I allow the good girl to work at cross purposes with my own well-being that I get into trouble. I have a hard time making decisions that are ultimately for my own good, if those decisions might inconvenience someone else or make someone stressed or unhappy. I must always earn my way by giving more, doing more, taking care of more. I can never be tired or vulnerable.

While Lucy thinks she is taking care of me, she is ultimately harming me deeply. Her fear of loss makes it difficult for me to be authentic, with a full range of emotions, not just the positive ones. Lucy ultimately is a scared little girl hiding in the darkness. I, on the other hand, am an elder, a crone, a wise woman. I have the power to bring Lucy out of the dark and to love her unconditionally. There are times I need her to protect me, but most of the time I just need her to let me do the driving.

While I won’t stop being a good girl, I must become a fully actualized woman who appropriately chooses when and where to let her wild woman out. I am grateful to Lucy for her protection, but she needs to be in the back seat, not the driver’s seat. As I become the driver, Lucy will have permission to come out and be her liberated, beautiful child-like self along with me. Because while Lucy is protecting me, she is also denying herself permission to be a playful, beloved child.

Who is the Lucy in your life, and what is she/he requiring of you? Are you ready to relegate her/him to the back seat and take over your own life allowing both yourself and your inner child the freedom to be fully human?

Barbara Garland
October, 2022

Breaking Through Fear

Today I am celebrating my freedom, not from fear but from letting fear stop me!

Goddess Inspired

September 17, 2022

Tagged courage, Fear, Freedom, Self Actualization

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Fear is a funny thing. On the one hand, it keeps me from running toward the lion or jumping off a cliff. On the other hand, it prevents me from speaking out and from being my true self with the people around me. While it can protect me from danger, it can also block my growth as a fully actualized human being. What I have discovered recently is that once I face my fear and act in spite of it, I become free.

I have always thought that by the time I reached my seventies that I would no longer care about what people think. I thought I would have left my fears behind. However I realize that there is still some small part of me that is afraid of losing people I care about if I show up as who I truly am. There is a fear that I will be rejected because of what I think and believe. For me, it has been a lifelong struggle to speak my truth to the wider world.

Writing this blog over the past two years has been a courage builder for me. It has been the first platform in which I publicly speak my truth. However, my readership consists mostly of folks who are on a similar path to mine, people who are open to looking at the world in an unconventional way. My readers. While they might not agree with every premise, are generally open to the general spiritual concepts that I write about.

Launching my book, a book that lays bare my deep spiritual struggles, is a difficult thing to do. It raises all the issues of speaking my truth, of what people will think, and of my fears of rejection. It was a huge step, and one that I agonized over. My book is my baby, and I had all kinds of fears that someone might call my baby ugly. So when I announced my book on Face Book last week and sent out invitations to my book-launching party, I finally let go of my fears of showing up to the world as a deeply spiritual, but non-religious person. I felt liberated and proud for acting in spite of my fears – those real, but mostly irrational anxieties that aren’t always even conscious.

And guess what? The world didn’t come to an end. My friends are excited that I am a published author and are happy to celebrate with me, even if they might not agree with me from a religious standpoint. And I am finally free of worrying about what anyone thinks. I stand in my truth and am proud of who I have become. While fear has not gone away, the next time it will be easier to act in spite of it.

Today I am celebrating my freedom, not from fear but from letting fear stop me! It has been a decades long journey that has never been easy, but after facing my fear and pushing through it, I am finally free to be the soul I was meant to be.

Thanks to all of you, who have encouraged me along the way.

Barbara Garland
October, 2022

Freedom to BE

What are the ways that you free yourself from the chains of unconsciousness? In the words of Suzanne Anderson, how do you become “an evolving source of wisdom, love, and power”?

Goddess Inspired

March 5, 2021
2 Comments on Freedom to BE

Tagged Becoming, Consciousness, Freedom, Shadows, Wisdom

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Freedom to BE

I graduated from high school in the mid-sixties – that amazing time of free love and liberation for millions of baby boomers. But I lived in a small, very conservative city in west Texas where the cowboys outnumbered the hippies at least three to one. I was protected by a bubble of religion and conservatism that left me unaware of most of the larger forces working in the world. I automatically recoiled at the changes that were happening in the outer world and labeled them as immoral and wrong. While I felt the stirring of feminism, it was too scary for me to think about, much less articulate.

I would never have imagined that in 2021 I would be writing a blog dedicated to the Divine Feminine. I never would have imagined that I would have broken free from the confines of a stifling, rigid, religion and moved into the freedom and love of a deep spirituality. I never would have imagined that I would be seeing the world through the lens of inclusion rather than exclusion.

Because of this blog, I am privileged to have some amazing, stimulating conversations with a wide variety of people, most of whom are exceedingly wise women of a certain age. In one such conversation this week, we talked about how to free ourselves up from the confines of the rigid lock-step of the worlds of our childhood. How do we move from those behaviors and attitudes that we learned as children? How do we move from the shadow realms that rule us from the unconscious to a new way of being and seeing? How do we move from fear to being grounded in our own power as wise human beings?

Most of the women I know, and probably most of the people who read this blog, have spent much of their lives working on this spiritual and emotional path of growth and maturation. Indeed, most of us have an entirely different perspective in our sixties and beyond than we did in our forties. We know what we know because we have lived life. We know what we know because we have lived through each life stage and acquired wisdom, hopefully, along the way.

So in many ways, we have freed ourselves up through the simple privilege of living a long life. On the other hand, I still have a ways to go. I still get hung up on the limiting beliefs that unconsciously pull me down and hold me back. These beliefs are beautifully described in Suzanne Anderson’s book, The Way of the Mysterial Woman. These beliefs are, “I am not enough. I have to do to be of value. I do not belong. I am not free to express myself fully. I don’t have enough knowledge, connections, or influence.”

When I unconsciously buy into these beliefs, I become locked into a way of being that is fear-filled and joyless. I find myself on a treadmill of trying to be perfect; of trying to always do more, and be better; of feeling that no matter what I do, it isn’t enough; and of knowing deep down that my expertise, my hard-earned wisdom, doesn’t meet the credentials criteria set forth by the larger culture.

My own journey has led me to look deeply at my own shadows, to thank them for their service, and to incorporate them as a part of my true self. It has led me to recognize and pay attention to my own intuition. It has led me to spiritual practices which have deepened my connection with myself and with the whole of creation. It has opened me to practice saying “yes” to the urging of Spirit within. As I walk my path each day, I realize that each time I say “yes,” each time I face my shadows, each time I take a step in spite of my fear, that I am freeing myself up to be the person I am meant to be. What are the ways that you free yourself from the chains of unconsciousness? In the words of Suzanne Anderson, how do you become “an evolving source of wisdom, love, and power”?

Barbara Garland
March, 2021

The Shadow of Perfectionism

This week I came face to face with my shadow of perfectionism. It is teaching me some valuable lessons. What shadows are you facing?

Goddess Inspired

February 5, 2021

Tagged Freedom, Imperfection, Joy, Perfectionism, Shadow

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The Shadow of Perfectionism

I must admit that I am struggling, and it is not a bad thing. For 2021 I promised to say “yes” to wherever my intuition might lead. In mid-January an online course challenging me to join a twenty-two day painting meditation practice kept popping up on all my feeds. Every time I opened Facebook, this course appeared. I don’t consider myself an artist of any kind, much less a painter, but this course grabbed my attention. First, it was based on the female Buddha, (Goddess), Green Tara, and of course any aspect of the Divine Feminine intrigues me. Second, it was a working meditation, something I have not done before. Third, it was affordable.

My intuition kept nudging me, and so I signed up for the course. The premise is to paint daily on the same canvas after meditating on an aspect of Tara. The first day, we painted the symbol for Green Tara and wrote what we wanted to bring into our lives. Pretty easy. The next day we painted over the first day’s work with symbols and more words. Easy-peasy! Words are my thing. The next day we painted blue sky and white stars. Again, no sweat. Each day covered over much of the painting from the previous day. If I didn’t like what I did on one day, it got covered up on the next day.

But now I am on day thirteen, and I am being challenged to draw the figure of Tara. What I am seeing on my canvas is a huge head on a disproportionately small body. Not only that, but the face of my Tara is sharp and masculine, not at all feminine and compassionate as I picture the Tara in my head. I think it looks ugly, and I feel very inadequate

I want to cover the whole thing up and start over, or even better, give up and listen to that voice in my head that says I am not an artist; I can’t do it; why would I even think that something like this would turn out even the least bit pleasing.

Which leads me to my lifelong, internal struggle with perfectionism. I am a person who won’t even try something unless I know I can do it well. When I was a child, I might try something once. If I couldn’t do it perfectly, I would quit. For some reason, the idea that I would need to practice and fail many times before I could get something right, never quite clicked with me. And so I quit playing softball and basketball. I quit trying to draw. I concentrated only on those things which I could already do well. And in so doing I missed many opportunities for growth, for friendship, and for the joy of pure play.

The Tara on my canvas has become a metaphor for my life. In jumping into a painting practice, I am facing one of my shadows – perfectionism. Although I knew perfectionism has always been a part of me, I didn’t want to see how it stopped me from living my fullest life. As I look at my Tara, I am so tempted to give up. I want to walk away and tell myself that my intuition failed me. In reality it has brought me face to face with a part of myself which I don’t want to look at.

So – I have decided to keep on with this experiment until the end. I am determined that this time I will persevere and create a finished product that I know is very much less than perfect. This practice of painting is bringing me to a greater awareness of who I am in relationship to creativity, to art, and to the other aspects of my life that I deny because I don’t already know how to do them perfectly. I am discovering that when I judge myself harshly, I am much more inclined to judge others just as harshly. This self-judgment takes me out of the love that I want to be.

Life is messy. Art is messy. As I look at my decidedly imperfect painting, I am uncovering some very humorous metaphors for my own life. The fierce masculine big head and the very small body make me realize that I am still all in my head, that I am not embodying the Sacred Feminine or listening to my own body. The messiness of the project helps me to see that underneath that façade of perfection that I try to project, there is a hidden world of doubt and fear.

As I sit in the muck and the mire of imperfection, I am feeling the stirrings of creativity, of joy, and of freedom. Letting go of trying to be perfect from the beginning allows me to play, to experiment, to dabble. I am opening to the possibility that it is the muck and the mire that brings me to joy, not the sterility of perfection. I may not call myself an artist, but I am a creator. Thanks be to the beautiful green Goddess Tara, for leading me to these truths.

Barbara Garland
February, 2021

If you want to know more about this 22 day painting challenge, go to

https://whitneyfreya.teachable.com/p/22-day-tara-painting-meditation-challenge?fbclid=IwAR1VpiN9L6UKDKcljfoIgrf50gQNk5b_4AadoLuz7UJ8yRuk0CQ9NCzblqY

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New blogs will be added to this post every Friday.

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About Me

I am a seeker of truth, a truth teller, a lover of the Divine Feminine, an aspiring writer, a mystery, an open book, a work in progress. I have lived a long and varied life, and now in my seventies, I am being called to share some of what I have learned over the years. I hope to share the wisdom of the deep Feminine that is being channeled through me.

If the Goddess has ever whispered to you, I invite you to join me on an incredible journey of love and discovery. May you hear Her wisdom through these words.

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