If you have been reading my blogs for a while, you know that I have a golf cart and dog-phobic dog named Hank. Something turns off in his brain when Hank hears and sees a golf cart or another dog. He turns around and grabs the leash in his teeth (so I can’t jerk up the pinch collar), all the while snarling and lunging to get at the hated object in front of him. On more than one occasion his lunging one hundred ten pounds of furious body weight has pulled me down to the ground.
We have tried sensitivity training, driving our own cart back and forth until he calmly lets it pass. But he knows that it is our cart and that it is safe. In his doggy brain, the rest of the carts are fair game. Similarly he allows his one doggy friend, Harley, to approach us. In his mind, all golf carts and all other dogs are the enemy. I have given in; we walk very early in the morning before the golf carts and dogs begin to move around. Every morning about five, Hank and I are walking our two miles. Even though we walk in the dark, it keeps us both safe from having to deal with the objects of Hank’s fears.
I daresay that many of us can relate to Hank. There are many things in the world that raise our hackles and incite fear. In fact much of our economic and political systems are based on fear. Advertisers take full advantage of our fears of not being good enough. From cars to body lotion, marketers emphasize keeping up with the rich and famous, the young and beautiful. Politicians play on our fears of anyone who isn’t like us. Gun manufacturers sell guns to the “good guys” because they have also sold guns to the bad guys, and of course the good guys have to protect themselves from the bad guys. Countries drum up fears in their populace to justify wars against other countries. Watch the evening news – most of it emphasizes all the things we need to be afraid of. And many of the things we are supposed to fear are manufactured. They are lies designed to keep us afraid and the powers that be in power.
Fear begets fear. When Hank and I are walking and I hear a golf cart coming, I tense up. I pull the leash tighter and brace myself for what is to come. Hank, of course, senses my fear. But he interprets my fear, not as fear of his reaction but as my fearing the golf cart. It is a vicious cycle. I have to be prepared for his reaction, but in preparing for it, I make his reaction worse. Similarly, if told that I should be afraid of another race, class, gender, or anything deemed other, I begin to want to protect myself from them. As that group sees that I am arming myself against them, they begin to feel afraid of me, and in turn begin to protect themselves. You can begin to see how easily fear escalates into violence.
A little fear is a good thing. It keeps me on my toes and aware of my surroundings. It keeps me from going into places where danger might be hidden. It awakens my instincts and keeps me safe. Living in constant fear, however, creates trauma. If I am always in fight or flight, my nervous system never calms down. I am never at ease.
Imagine with me for a moment what it would be like to be “othered,” to be the one whom everyone is supposed to fear, the one who everyone assumes is the bad guy. Imagine that even though you are a decent and honorable human being, that because of the color of your skin, who you love, your gender, or who you call your deity, you become a target. Because you are other, you are feared, even hated. You never feel safe going about your life because you know that people hate you without even knowing you. It is a traumatic way to live!
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. said, “Men often hate each other because they fear each other: they fear each other because they don’t know each other; they don’t know each other because they cannot communicate; they cannot communicate because they are separate.”
Fear exacerbates violence, and I do not wish to be caught in the cycle of violence. I am determined to not judge anyone because they belong to a specific group, but rather accept people based on their characters. I am determined to not let the fearmongers incite me to escalate my defenses. I am determined to radiate love wherever I go, to whomever I meet, no matter to what groups they might belong. I am determined to not to allow fear to win!
Barbara Garland
January 2023
