Tag: Faith

Finding Faith in the Dark

Sometimes faith is such a slender thread that I don’t even know it exists, but it is ultimately what gives me the strength to carry on in the midst of the dark. It is only in the dark that I can recognize that my faith is real.

Goddess Inspired

April 7, 2023

Tagged darkness, Faith, hope, love, Trust

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Over forty years ago, I made the difficult decision to divorce my then-husband and the father of my children. I was losing myself in a toxic relationship that threatened to destroy me. It was 1980, and I was wracked by guilt and shame. I didn’t want to hurt myself, my children or my extended family. It was one of the lowest points in my life. I felt estranged from both God and the people I loved. I felt completely alone, abandoned by the God and church that I thought I believed in.

One day, in the depths of my despair, I made a decision. In my mind, I deliberately jumped into the dark abyss. It was the only way I knew to find out if my faith was real. At that moment I felt myself lifted up and held by something far greater than myself. At that moment I knew that I wasn’t completely alone. It is a moment I will never forget.

As I think about what faith is and isn’t, I realize that it is very easy to have faith when things are going well. Unless and until I am tested, I have no idea whether or not my faith is real. C.H. Spurgeon says, “To trust God in the light is nothing, but trust him in the dark – that is faith.” It is only when I am in the dark that I can recognize that I am not alone. It is only when I feel lost and forsaken by God, that I can truly recognize that God lives in me and will not ever leave me.

Having faith in a structure is not the same as having faith in the Source. Institutions, religions, rules, dogma – these are the things that many people put their faith in. But ultimately they are small comfort in the depths of despair. Institutions fall, and rules don’t make sense. Having faith in these things will ultimately lead to disappointment and disillusionment. But having faith in the ultimate power of love will lead to hope.

My faith has been tested many times in my life – divorce, death, losses of many kinds. Usually, in those dark places, I couldn’t see love holding me up. I just had to have faith that I wasn’t alone. As I look back over my life, I can see where I was guided and held. Each time I was in the depths, I had to rely on my faith that love would eventually see me through. Each time my faith grew stronger.

On the cross, Jesus cried out to his father, asking why he had abandoned him; but even in death Jesus trusted that his spirit was in good hands, that no matter what, he was loved. Sometimes faith is such a slender thread that I don’t even know it exists, but it is ultimately what gives me the strength to carry on in the midst of the dark. It is only in the dark that I can recognize that my faith is real.

Barbara Garland
April 2023

When Does the Spiritual Become Political?

What Is Faith?

What I have learned over many years is that my faith is rooted in my trust of my own inner knowing, my intuition. There is something inside of me that resonates when I hear a truth that is meant for me. There is that deep AHA moment that recognizes that what I am hearing is true. It is my internal gnosis which cuts through the doctrine and dogma that seeks to disconnect me from my direct connection with whatever I name Source.

Goddess Inspired

January 6, 2023

Tagged Faith, Gnosis, Inner Knowing, Intuition

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Yesterday I had an interesting conversation with a friend about faith. When she asked me to define what faith meant to me, I will admit that I had no easy answers.

Merriam Webster defines faith as: (1) belief and trust in and loyalty to God; (2) belief in the traditional doctrines of a religion; (3) firm belief in something for which there is no proof; (4) complete trust.
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/faith

For anyone who has read any of my blogs, it is clear that the religion of my childhood is no longer the basis for my faith. The male Christian God, especially the one from my Southern Baptist upbringing, holds no place in my personal definition or practice of my faith.

As I look at definition (1) belief and trust in and loyalty to God, the word God conjures up a mental picture of the bearded man in the sky – the one who demands absolute loyalty and who judges us as bad from the moment of our birth. This is not a being in whom I wish to place my trust and loyalty. This is the toxic God from whom many of are fleeing. This is the God who has no room for anything less than perfection, who denies the deep, dark juiciness of the earth, and who denies the feminine, the God who is the perpetrator of toxic patriarchy.

Definition (2) belief in the traditional doctrines of a religion also leaves me cold. There are so many religions in the world, each proclaiming that theirs is the only way to God. I have left behind the religion of my childhood; I don’t wish to become entangled in another religion filled with doctrines that I must follow or be forever damned. As I think about my faith, religion seems to be an obstacle to faith rather than a bridge. I suppose it is because for me religion has always been full of contradictions, more about rules than about love. In some respects many world religions reek of power and domination. Religious doctrine is a way to keep people in their place, not about raising people up. It is about keeping the status quo for those who are in positions of power and influence, not about solving problems that would make the world a better place.

Definitions (3) and (4) make much more sense to me. Faith is firm belief in something for which there is no proof and it is complete trust. In leaving behind the religious traditions of my youth, I have taken a huge leap of faith. Most people in my community would condemn me for leaving behind religion and opening myself to something entirely new. There is no proof that my way is THE WAY. There is no proof that abandoning religion for Spirituality is a truer path than my old religion. In fact there is no proof that God/Goddess/Source/ really exists for that matter.

What I have learned over many years is that my faith is rooted in my trust of my own inner knowing, my intuition. There is something inside of me that resonates when I hear a truth that is meant for me. There is that deep AHA moment that recognizes that what I am hearing is true. It is my internal gnosis which cuts through the doctrine and dogma which seeks to disconnect me from my direct connection with whatever I name Source.

There is no proof that there is a benevolent Source, a Divine Entity that loves us deeply and eternally. But when I feel the wind on my face, when I see a magnificent sunset, when I gaze on the full moon, when I watch a baby being born or a toddler take its first steps – I am filled with a faith and a surety that I am held by something much greater than myself, that I am a part of the earth, and that I am loved beyond measure. It is an inner knowing that I am a part of and connected to all that is. It is an inner conviction that doesn’t need proof, a surety that resides within. This is my faith, a faith which doesn’t need religion and is beyond all religion.

Barbara Garland
January, 2023

More on Signs and Wonders

Over the years, I have learned to trust those signs that come to me, and the more that I trust them, the clearer they become. The more I pay attention and trust those messages, the more I can trust my own inner compass to lead me to what is right for me.

Goddess Inspired

July 9, 2021
2 Comments on More on Signs and Wonders

Tagged Divine Feminine, Faith, Inner Knowing, Messages, Signs

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More on Signs and Wonders

I published a blog in early June about how the Divine Feminine speaks to me and how I have been led by Her to Her over the course of many years. This week I received a series of very clear messages from Her. All I had to do was to listen.

I have taken on a new and somewhat daunting volunteer job with a children’s advocacy center. While I am thrilled and excited about doing this work, I find that it is taking a lot of time away from the spiritual practices that I developed during the Covid lockdowns. Because of the time crunch, I have been contemplating ending my blog. Yesterday, when I got the bill for the upcoming year of hosting the website, the domain name, and all the things that it takes to publish my site, I was thinking that, in addition to taking up a lot of time, it was becoming too expensive. It was one more reason to let it go.

However, over the weekend I received a request from my spiritual director to use one of my poems in a workshop led by chaplains. On Wednesday there was an email in my inbox from one of my readers, a thoughtful commentary on the blog that I wrote about closure. I seldom receive feedback on my blogs. I am called to write them and let them go, to find their way to the folks that need to read them. That commentary was a delightful and encouraging surprise.

In my meditation yesterday I drew the Goddess card of the High Priestess. The message of that card is to be the bridge from the Goddess to the world. It was a reminder to listen to the innate wisdom of the Divine within and to share that wisdom with the world. Then I drew the raccoon from my animal spirit deck. That card said, “Decide what you really want. You have the ingenuity to claim it.” This morning I drew Eve, “who is the embodiment of primal, female, creative energy.” My animal card was penguin, whose message is to be my authentic self.

All these things, both separately and collectively, point me to continue to write this blog. These are clear signs that speak directly to the decision I am trying to make. My task is to listen to the messages and to trust that I am on the right path for me.

I have an inner knowing, an innate sense of the direction that I need to take. But I don’t always listen to that inner voice. I need something clearer to point me in the right direction because I don’t always trust myself. Over the years, I have learned to trust those signs that come to me, and the more that I trust them, the clearer they become. The more I pay attention and trust those messages, the more I can trust my own inner compass to lead me to what is right for me.

The Divine Feminine continues to call me to write. After writing a blog, I don’t usually recognize the words as my own. I am given the subject and the words to write. I send those words out into the ether, but I have no idea if they resonate with anyone or not. It is an act of faith that whoever needs to hear will hear. I answer the call by writing. The universe does everything else.

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New blogs will be added to this post every Friday.

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About Me

I am a seeker of truth, a truth teller, a lover of the Divine Feminine, an aspiring writer, a mystery, an open book, a work in progress. I have lived a long and varied life, and now in my seventies, I am being called to share some of what I have learned over the years. I hope to share the wisdom of the deep Feminine that is being channeled through me.

If the Goddess has ever whispered to you, I invite you to join me on an incredible journey of love and discovery. May you hear Her wisdom through these words.

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