Tag: compassion

Embodying Compassion

I don’t want to have to think about having empathy or compassion. Rather I want those characteristics to become my natural reaction to whatever situations arise in my life.

Goddess Inspired

August 27, 2023

Tagged compassion, empathy, love, Non-judgement

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This week I have been meditating on love, compassion and empathy. At the beginning of the week, I drew an oracle card depicting the Chinese Goddess, Kuan Yin, the Goddess of compassion or “she who hears the cries of the world.” She is the Goddess that many people pray to when they are in despair, and she is the archetype of the merciful, compassionate, deep feminine.

In my meditations this week I repeated the mantra – I am love, I am compassion, I am empathy. I wanted to completely embody these characteristics so that they become who I am. I don’t want to have to think about having empathy or compassion. Rather I want those characteristics to become my natural reaction to whatever situations arise in my life.

I also looked up the difference between compassion and empathy. Empathy is feeling the pain of another; compassion is feeling the pain and trying to alleviate it in some way. It is not enough to feel the pain of another. After I feel it, I must take some kind of compassionate action to alleviate that pain.

It is not that I have to save the world. It is easy to get caught up in despair about the state of the world, to feel helpless and hopeless because I can’t do enough. However I can do something. I can volunteer at my favorite charity; I can donate (according to my means) to causes which make a difference; I can join civic organizations; I can do my work with integrity; I can listen to my friend; I can be less judgmental; I can provide a smile or an encouraging word; I can love an animal; I can plant trees. I can use my gifts in some way to make a difference, to help alleviate suffering.

I must also not forget to shower the same empathy and compassion I show to others on myself. It is easy to judge myself much more harshly than others would judge me. If in fact I embody love, empathy, and compassion, then I must lavish it on myself just as I would lavish it on others. The first rule of survival is that to save others, I must save myself first. I am no good to anyone if I don’t treat myself with kindness and understanding.

I wrote a couple of weeks ago about finding compassion for those who do terrible things. It isn’t easy, and it takes practice. It also seems to be a lesson that I need to work on. I still have a long way to go, but after this week of meditating on love, empathy, and compassion, I find that I am more open to seeing and hearing others. I more readily radiate love and understanding, to others and to myself, rather than judgment. I am freer to share a smile with a stranger and to give deep, warm hugs. I feel less stressed about the state of the world and more content with the things that I can do to make a difference.

Barbara Garland
August, 2023

When Does the Spiritual Become Political?

Finding Compassion

My prayer today then is to be filled with compassion toward whatever causes suffering in me and in others.

Goddess Inspired

August 15, 2023

Tagged compassion, Consciousness, empathy, love, Suffering

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I don’t know about you, but in these chaotic times, I have a very hard time sending love to those people who appear to delight in spreading hate and divisiveness into the world. I see their lust for power, their greed, and their appalling hypocrisy, and the last thing I want to do is to try to love them.

Matthieu Ricard is an ordained Buddhist monk and French translator for the Dalai Lama. Recently, in an interview for the New York Times, Ricard talked about the concept of compassion. As I read the article I began to understand more fully that compassion might be an even more powerful tool than love. According to Ricard,

“Because this [compassion] is different from moral judgment. It doesn’t prevent you from saying that those are walking psychopaths, that they have no heart. But compassion is to remedy suffering wherever it is, whatever form it takes and whoever causes it. So what is the object of compassion here? It is the hatred and the person under its power. If someone beats you with a stick, you don’t get angry with the stick — you get angry with the person. These people we are talking about are like sticks in the hands of ignorance and hatred (emphasis mine). We can judge the acts of a person at a particular time, but compassion is wishing that the present aspect of suffering and the causes of suffering may be remedied.”

As I read that paragraph it suddenly became clearer that despising the acts of a person is different than hating that person. While I always knew this in my head, I have struggled with the concept as I work to grow spiritually. However, when I think of having compassion for those whom I see as evil, I am more able to send love in their direction. For example, if I can picture Vladimir Putin or Donald Trump as hurt little boys, I can feel love and compassion for the wounded child within them that causes them to do the terrible things they do. I can be more empathetic because I can see the causes of their suffering. It doesn’t excuse their acts, but it helps me to move away from hatred and loathing to a more understanding stance. It helps me to realize that they do what they do because they are suffering.

Compassion then opens me up to empathy and love. It allows me to understand that suffering is what motivates me to do the things I do whether or not I am conscious of that suffering. When I act unconsciously, I am trying to assuage the suffering that I may have carried for lifetimes. When I understand my own motivations, I can then empathize with the motivations of others. I can still abhor those acts that are immoral and repugnant, while at the same time recognizing the inner suffering that causes a person to do what they do. I can then direct love and compassion to the suffering that is at the root of the behavior.

My prayer today then is to be filled with compassion toward whatever causes suffering in me and in others.

Barbara Garland
August, 2023

Who is the Divine?

Just by being present, we become that small sense of Presence for those in despair.

Goddess Inspired

July 2, 2023

Tagged compassion, Divine, love, Presence

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In the past couple of months, I have attended several funerals. Some were for folks who lived good long lives, and who contributed greatly to the good of their communities. Some were for good people whose lives, in our estimation, were cut short. No matter what the situation, family and friends were left in deep grief, in one of those situations where no relief from the pain is in sight. For those who are suffering, it is sometimes easy to feel that there is no Divine, no greater energy or force, and certainly nothing that can ease their pain.

Last week I wrote about a small sense of Presence in light of our own individual suffering. This week I want to posit that we can be that small sense of Presence to those around us who are suffering and grief-stricken. When people feel abandoned by the Divine, we are the ones who can be lovingly present to their pain. We are called upon to be that small candle flame that shines a light on the possibility that hope and healing might someday be possible. In these situations we become the living Presence through our thoughts, words, and deeds.

We can do the practical things – bring meals, clean the house, hold, listen, support, hug, encourage. We can do the quiet things by sending out loving energy and prayers for healing. We can show up and hold space for whatever emotions may surface in that deep grief. While we are not the healers, we can
be instruments for healing. Ultimately, we become the hands and feet, the
physical manifestation of the Divine. Just by being present, we become that small sense of Presence for those in despair.

In the same way that we find hope in a personal small sense of Presence, we can share hope by being that Divine Presence for others.

I SEE YOU

In the deepest dark, a small flame flickers.
So small, so small – I can’t believe my eyes.
It seems so far away.

My strained eyes focus on the light.
A kind word, an embrace
The light grows brighter.

I speak, pouring out my grief and pain.
A hand grips mine.
The light grows a little more.

My tears fall, a torrent, a river,
and ocean
I am held in a silent embrace.
The light grows.

The light of the flame burns bright
now.
I feel the Sacred Presence of the Divine.
When I look upon Her face, I see you.

Barbara Garland
July, 2023

A Small Sense of Presence

As I connect to my own inner Divine, so then I must become a small sense of Presence to others just as they are to me.

Goddess Inspired

June 24, 2023

Tagged compassion, connection, Disconnection, Divine Presence

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Yesterday as I was driving to an appointment, a song came on the radio. The title was in French, which I don’t speak, but it seemed to read, “a small sense of presence.” It really doesn’t matter if my translation is correct or not. What matters is that particular phrase has stayed with me and continues to tug at my heart.

Many times in my life I have felt disconnected from the Divine Source. I have felt alone, discouraged, lost. I didn’t have a clue where to turn or what to do. But deep inside there was a “small sense of Presence.” On some level, even though I felt lost and afraid, I knew that there was something that held me and wouldn’t let me go. All I could feel was a very small, quiet Presence, an almost imperceptible connection to the Divine.

It is easy to feel and acknowledge the Divine in the mountaintop experiences when life is beautiful and wonderful. It is not so easy to feel and acknowledge the Divine when I am in the dark night of the soul, when I feel bereft and unmoored. It is in those times, when I feel forsaken and abandoned, that I must grab onto that small sense of Presence.

That sense of Presence is like a tiny, flickering flame. It is only a glimpse of pale light that I can hardly believe is there. However, the more I acknowledge the flame, the more I keep my eyes focused on the flame, the more I can see. In those times of disconnect when it is hard to feel that small sense of Presence, it is helpful to become quiet, to listen deeply to my inner voice. I do that by journaling, meditating, practicing Yoga or QiGong, being out in nature, or just resting.

And while the Presence resides within me, sometimes the flame is fanned by an outside source. Like the title of the song on the radio, the small sense of Presence can come from anywhere – the doe and her twin fawns that walk through my yard, the birds singing to the dawn, a hug or email from a friend, a smile from a stranger, a creative act. All of these and many others help to fan the flame of the Divine Presence within. They are outward signs of an indwelling Presence.

As I connect to my own inner Divine, so then I must become a small sense of Presence to others just as they are to me. My energy must be attuned to respond to the people around me with love, empathy, and compassion. I must be ready to be supportive and non-judgmental as other people go through their own struggles to discover the small sense of Presence within themselves. I must acknowledge the Divine within others and encourage others to acknowledge the Divine within themselves. It is then that the small sense of Presence becomes a certain sense of Presence that cannot be shaken even in the darkest of times.

Barbara Garland
June 2023

Meditation for Compassion

Self-compassion is essential to help us let go of shame that blocks God’s love and peace from mercifying us.

Goddess Inspired

June 17, 2023

Tagged compassion, connection, empathy, love

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I posted my first blog at Womanspiritspeaks.com in September of 2020. Since that first posting, I have written and posted 131 blogs. Most of my themes have to do with finding wholeness within, balance, oneness, connection, and love. They are a call to find our connection to the Divine God/dess by going within and surrendering ourselves to the inner divine. They are a call away from the patriarchal, hierarchal religions to a more loving, compassionate inner source of divine love. They tell my story of how I have been led to a new way of living a spiritual life by recognizing that everything is sacred and that we are all connected in that sanctity.

After writing 131 blogs, my mind has hit a blank wall. However, as I read the week’s summary from Richard Rohr’s daily writings, I was compelled to share the meditation that was posted. I have been practicing and praying a version of this prayer for many years, but the meditation used in this particular way was new to me. While it is deceptively simple, I imagine that practicing it consistently will make a difference in how I relate to others. I give full credit to the Center for Action and Contemplation and to Sister Catherine Nerney.

Compassion Meditation

Professor and Sister of St. Joseph Catherine Nerney shares a prayer practice that strengthens our compassion for ourselves, one another, and the world:

We are called to be compassion for our world. But to grow in this capacity, we must practice, practice, practice the art of communicating from the heart where God and we are one. The Hindu blessing of Namaste, which has become universalized, reminds us that “when I am in that place of the Divine in me and you are in that place of the Divine in you, there is only one of us.”

For this purpose, Thich Nhat Hanh and other Buddhist practitioners recommend that we regularly engage in a Compassion Meditation that is also known as metta or loving-kindness.… Take a few moments to let yourself be drawn into this contemplative practice for your good and others. Picture in your mind’s eye, try to encounter as vividly as possible, someone for whom you feel deep love and unity. Let him or her be there with you as you express these desires.

May you be happy.
May you be blessed.
May you be free and peaceful.
May you be ever loved.
May you be always loving.

Now repeat the exercise, this time picturing someone you hardly know. Wish them the same loving desires. You may choose someone you saw on the bus, someone in the supermarket or a church group, or perhaps someone you’ve read about in the news. Make the image clear and pray for them as sincerely as you can. Your goal is to open to them/give them their humanity.

Finally, repeat the visualization, selecting a person with whom you are feeling alienated, hurt, resentful, vengeful. What happens as you try to enter this “compassion meditation” with them?

A fourth component of this compassion meditation that I think is often needed, if we are to become more compassionate listeners and speakers, is to offer this loving-kindness meditation for oneself. Self-compassion is essential to help us let go of shame that blocks God’s love and peace from mercifying us. From deep inside us, God is trying to get dug out. Listen to God trying to free you at the same time to love yourself.

Catherine T. Nerney, The Compassion Connection: Recovering Our Original Oneness (Maryknoll, NY: Orbis Books, 2018),
184-185

Barbara Garland
June, 2023

Being Present to Our Woundedness

If we pretend that everything is all right, we will never do anything to correct what is, in truth, killing us. We must be present to our own hurt and anguish, our own wounds in order to heal.

Goddess Inspired

April 16, 2023

Tagged compassion, empathy, Ripple Effect, Suffering, Woundedness

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My husband and I were privileged to attend an opening for the latest restaurant in our city, where we were seated with a lovely young woman who worked for the company which was launching the restaurant. She was probably in her mid to late thirties. (It is hard for me to tell because everyone who is not obviously elderly looks young to me.) We had a pleasant dinner conversation, but it was apparent that her generation has some real fear about the state of the world. There is an underlying angst within her about climate, the treatment of women and minorities, the possibility of war, inequality, injustice, et al.

I believe that many of us feel this uncurrent of uncertainty and fear, but we don’t often allow ourselves to fully feel it, much less share it. I know that my circle of friends tends to try to keep things light. We don’t want to step on toes by venturing into the political realms, so it becomes easier to push those feelings down and pretend as if they didn’t exist. It is easier to wear a cheerful mask and talk about the latest football scores than to confront the existential angst of living in the modern world.

The truth is that I feel deep anguish about the state of the world. I see the brokenness and woundedness that surrounds us. Just last night there was another mass shooting where teenagers were killed. I see racial injustice, poverty, denial of health care to women and the poor, climate disasters, and war. As an empath, I deeply feel the pain of the world.

This morning I was re-reading a book called Circle of Stones: Woman’s Journey to Herself, by Judith Duerk. Written in 1989, this book was one of the first books that led me on my journey to the concept of the Divine Feminine. One of the things Duerk talks about is acknowledging our woundedness. “Only by being present to the woundedness in ourselves can we be present to the woundedness of others…The woundedness in each of us must be fully owned and fully suffered for it to received succor and be comforted.” P. 104

I believe that it is imperative that we acknowledge the wounds that we carry as individuals and collectively as a nation. If we don’t acknowledge the wounds, if we don’t treat them, they will begin to fester and putrefy, infecting us with poison and killing us from within. If we pretend that everything is all right, we will never do anything to correct what is, in truth, killing us. We must be present to our own hurt and anguish, our own wounds in order to heal. We must acknowledge the past in order to heal the present as well as the future.

We have been conditioned to ignore our pain, to work through it. If we ignore it, it will go away. If we pretend like we are perfect, then we are. If we admit there is a problem, then we are weak. However, if we can’t see or acknowledge our own wounds, we can’t see or acknowledge the wounds of others. We are left with pain, frustration, even anger. We either project our wounds onto others or deny the validity of their pain. We are unable to feel empathy or compassion. In the absence of compassion, we substitute rules and laws and never address the root cause of our pain – which is not being present to our own woundedness.

The journey to wholeness is a deeply feminine, inward journey into the darkness and the depths. It is a journey to acknowledge and accept my own wounds, which is the path to healing. It is only when I acknowledge my own wounds that I can be present to the wounds of others and the wounds of the world. When I heal myself, then the ripples go out to heal the world.

Barbara Garland
April, 2023

Tapping Into Inner Power

When I tap into my own inner power, I become enough, just as I am.

Goddess Inspired

November 11, 2022

Tagged Boundaries, compassion, empathy, Power Over, Power Within

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In a Patriarchal culture, having power means having “power over”. The currency of power over can be economic, physical, political, environmental, sexual, emotional, or any combination of these. Power over means winning at all costs, and winning is everything – even if winning ultimately destroys the winner and the prize. Prime examples are Elon Musk’s purchase of Twitter and Russia’s invasion of Ukraine. It is the flexing of power that is important. It doesn’t matter that the ultimate outcome destroys lives and wreaks havoc for the rest of the world. It only matters that the perpetrator retains a sense of power over others. In this system, there are different rules for those who have power than for those who are powerless.

When the Divine Feminine comes back into the equation, she brings a different view of power. Power becomes power within, not power over. In this world view, what is important is claiming one’s own inner power, claiming one’s own inner sense of self. In this paradigm, winning and conquest are not important. I don’t care if I go home with the most marbles. I do care if I played the game fairly and was a gracious winner or loser.

When the Divine Feminine and the Divine Masculine are in balance, I am able to claim my own inner authority to act with love. I am able to see others, not as potential conquests, but as being an extension of myself. I am able to see through the eyes of my heart, not my ego. I am filled with compassion and empathy, not with schemes to win at all costs. I am able to see and acknowledge the pain of others as well as my own pain.

But acting with love and compassion does not mean that I capitulate to the whims or demands of others. Rather it means that I recognize that what is right for me is not necessarily right for another. I am able to stand in my sovereignty while acknowledging the sovereignty of another. I empathize with the pain of another, but I keep my boundaries strong enough, in love, not to get sucked into their goo. I don’t have to win, but neither do I lose who I am at my deepest core. Acknowledging another’s pain doesn’t mean that I agree with them; it means that they are free to be who they are while I am who I am.

When I rest in my own inner authority and tap into the power within, my ego begins to fade into the background. It becomes less and less important that I win or that I am right. I begin to lose the desire to always win or to exercise power over. I become more able to see that while my way is right for me, it isn’t always right for someone else. I stand in my truth and allow others to stand in theirs. I don’t have to amass money and power or to always win. I have a healthy balance between the agency of the masculine and the receptivity of the feminine. I can be content with taking care of my own soul without having to pretend I know what is right for anyone else’s.

When I tap into my own inner power, I become enough, just as I am.

Barbara Garland
November, 2022

The Wounded Healer

As I navigate my own spiritual and emotional growth, I realize that my own woundedness is my greatest gift. It is the source of my growth and the path to healing.

Goddess Inspired

October 9, 2022

Tagged compassion, empathy, Grief, Healing, Loss

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I have been out of town this week, hence the weekend blog. As I thought about what to write, I turned to my Native Spirit oracle deck (by Denise Linn). The card I drew this morning was the “Wounded Healer.”

As I pondered the meaning of the card, I realized that we can all be wounded healers. Everyone is wounded, and everyone has the capability of healing themselves and others. Everyone has been wounded by life’s ups and downs. Everyone has been hurt, many times inadvertently, by the people they love or the people who love them. Everyone has also been hurt by life circumstances – death, job loss, changes of fortune, what they were born into, or random happenstance. No one goes through life without wounds.

My choices come from how I deal with those wounds. Do I become bitter and stuck, do I live in denial, or do I do my best to heal and forgive? As I navigate life with all its large and small wounds, my spiritual imperative is to learn to grow through those wounds. But an interesting thing can happen. As I deal with grief and loss, I become more attuned to the grief and loss that others are experiencing in their lives.

Many years ago, when I was dealing with the loss of my first marriage, I realized that in my grief, I was more able to recognize the grief of others. I could see the grief in their eyes, because there was grief in my own. I became more empathetic, more attuned to the wounds that other people were experiencing. I didn’t have to be healed to be a friend or to be more compassionate. It was precisely because I was wounded that I was open to the pain of others.

It is analogous to the “let them eat cake” syndrome. If I am comfortable in my little corner of the world, it is hard to have compassion for those who are struggling. If I am aware of my own struggles, my own wounds, it is easier to understand that others struggle too and that there are no easy answers for any of us. Our woundedness binds us together. We become moved by compassion for those who are experiencing life’s difficulties, precisely because we know how it feels to be in their shoes.

As I navigate my own spiritual and emotional growth, I realize that my own woundedness is my greatest gift. It is the source of my growth and the path to healing. It is the door to greater compassion, awareness, and empathy for others.

I don’t have to have all the answers, nor do all my wounds have to be healed, to be a healer. I only have to be willing to see the other person through the eyes of compassion and empathy. I must be willing to recognize that my grief and loss are the same as yours, no matter what causes that grief. I must be willing to do the best I can to heal my own wounds while accepting that others are also wounded. And together we can heal each other.

Barbara Garland
October, 2022

Square Peg, Round Hole

It is only when I allow my unique self to shine that I can allow others to shine.

Goddess Inspired

July 29, 2022

Tagged compassion, Conformity, Fitting In, self

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The other night I dreamed about being in a house with a round living room. The room was furnished with rectangular, boxy furniture. While the furniture was lovely, it was just a bit off. It didn’t quite fit with the round room. In the dream I was deciding whether to buy the house. The round living room was a deal breaker. I would never be able to furnish it so that it would feel right.

I don’t know about you, but I have spent a lot of my life trying to fit myself into spaces that are not meant for me – trying to put square pegs into round holes. Our modern culture demands that women, especially, conform to cultural ideals of beauty, of personality types, of ways to be that can be impossible to attain. Although it may not be true for the younger generation, many of us who are boomers spent a lot of our lives trying to fit into ideals that didn’t belong to us. My true self was not acceptable, and consequently, I tried to be something I was not. I tried to make myself conform to what other people expected of me, not who I really was.

When I don’t show up as my true self, I deprive not only myself, but also the world of my own uniqueness. I learn to hide my gifts and make myself small. I let my true essence evaporate under the expectations of those who surround me. I hide my wildness, my vulnerabilities, my intuition, and my true nature. Then I become frustrated, angry, numb, and uncertain of who and what I really am. I do not let my full creativity to shine forth out of fear of being labeled weird – or worse.

In my dream I decided that I couldn’t live in a house that didn’t fit, that was beautiful, but a little bit off. In my own life, I must make the same decision. I must discover and stand in my own truth. I must use my voice creatively. I must show up as my own unique self, no matter what.

I am a slow learner. Even in my elder years I fear that when I am brave enough to be who I truly am I will lose the people I love, that I won’t fit into their ideas of who and what I am. I am bigger, wilder, deeper, than they or I can imagine. The truth is that I have never fit into societal expectations of what a woman should be – and I never will.

It is only when I allow my unique self to shine that I can allow others to shine. As I free myself to be more of my true myself, I can allow others to be themselves. Being compassionate towards myself allows me to be compassionate towards others, which ultimately frees us all. I can be whatever shaped peg I want to be without trying to fit myself into spaces where I don’t belong. And ultimately that is where I will find true freedom.

Barbara Garland
July, 2022

Grief and Anger

Grief hollows me out and makes me into a new creation, no matter how I deal with it. It can be a hallowing out, bringing me closer to the holy, or it can be a hollowing out leaving me empty and lost.

Goddess Inspired

March 18, 2022

Tagged Anger, compassion, empathy, Grief, Peace

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Grief and Anger

I am quite sure that I am not the only one feeling a deep sense of grief, anger, and outrage at what is happening in Ukraine right now. Putin’s war is putting, not just Ukrainians, but the whole world in danger. We, as individuals, can do little to change what it is happening. We can only watch as the horrors unfold while we continue to pray for peace.

As I wrote last week, it is important for each of us to be the peace we wish to see in the world. Last week, as I sought to be peaceful, I did the very opposite. I blew up over a very trivial matter. I was livid over a lamp. When I cooled down, I realized that my anger wasn’t over a lamp; it was really the grief I felt at what is happening in the world, the helplessness that I feel when I watch madmen kill and destroy because of their fragile, ego-driven hubris.

As I worked with my own emotions, I once again realized that anger is another side of grief. Sometimes it is easier to express anger than it is to express grief. This is especially true when the grief is not personal. I am grieving for things that are happening, not to me, but to people on the other side of the world. I am grieving for the losses of people whose names I do not know. I am grieving for the destruction of cultures, of freedom, of lives on both sides, of humanity itself. In that sense it is harder to recognize the feelings as grief. It is much easier to be angry.

Everyone, if they live long enough, experiences grief. In one’s lifetime, there are a myriad of losses, and each of us tries to deal with those losses in our own way. There are degrees of loss, but each new grief can bring up the old losses as we face life without someone or something dear to us.

Grief hollows me out and makes me into a new creation, no matter how I deal with it. It can be a hallowing out, bringing me closer to the holy, or it can be a hollowing out leaving me empty and lost. It is how I respond to the griefs of my life that makes me who I am. Through my grief, I can become more compassionate and empathetic, or I can become brittle and embittered.

I am convinced that those of us on the spiritual path will feel the grief of the world more acutely than those who are not connected. When I am deeply connected to God/dess – Source, I feel the deep grief of the Creator. I cannot help but share Her grief and deep sadness in watching humans who are determined to destroy each other and the earth which sustains them. If I weren’t spiritually connected, I don’t think I would feel as much. However, what I am feeling is deeply connected to the Holy, and I don’t want to sever that connection. I want to use my grief as a catalyst for empathy, compassion, and ultimately peace. I want to continue to feel deeply, being conscious and awake, to recognize that my strong emotions are connected to more than just a lamp.

Barbara Garland
March 2022

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About Me

I am a seeker of truth, a truth teller, a lover of the Divine Feminine, an aspiring writer, a mystery, an open book, a work in progress. I have lived a long and varied life, and now in my seventies, I am being called to share some of what I have learned over the years. I hope to share the wisdom of the deep Feminine that is being channeled through me.

If the Goddess has ever whispered to you, I invite you to join me on an incredible journey of love and discovery. May you hear Her wisdom through these words.

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