If you have been reading these blogs for a while, I am sure that you have noticed that I continue to struggle with the concept of surrender. What is interesting to me is that when I seem to reach a sense of understanding, there is always something more just out of my reach. I keep coming back to the puzzle, each time connecting another piece, in the hope that someday I will have a full and complete picture.

Last night, I was struggling to sleep. I kept thinking about surrender, and I kept coming back to the idea that surrendering to God/dess is not surrendering to that old man in the sky figure that most of us grew up with. It is not giving myself up to something or someone outside of myself. Surrender is truly giving myself to my own unique god-self. It is acknowledging that the divine lives within me. It is realizing that I was created as a unique being with unique abilities to make a difference in the world. Surrendering then is not capitulation to something or someone outside of myself, but rather an acceptance of the divine spirit that lives within me.

That acceptance, that surrender in this moment consists of three things – 1) trusting that I am loved and that I am lovable; 2) knowing I can trust my inner voice, my intuition to guide me; 3) opening myself to love.  These three seem to be the essence of what it means to surrender to my divine self.  Again, this surrender does not mean capitulation, but rather acceptance of what already exists.  

I know myself pretty well. I know that I am a flawed human being. I am judgmental, opinionated, perfectionistic, selfish, and unloving. On the other hand I am also empathetic, compassionate, loving, and accepting. Trusting that I am loved in spite of my imperfections, and that I am lovable because I exist is a giant leap of faith. I go back to those childhood messages that tell me I must earn love by always doing more and doing it perfectly. It is not easy to surrender to the fact that I am loved unconditionally.

I have always had an inner voice but until the past few years, I never recognized it as my intuition. Part of surrendering to my divine self is to trust my inner voice. My intuition, the Divine inner voice, will guide me on this life’s path. My task is to trust that my intuition will lead me where I need to go.

Ultimately surrendering to my divine self requires opening myself up to love. This means that not only must I accept myself as lovable, but that I must accept the love that is offered. I must open myself to the divine love that is within me and all around me. In accepting myself, I will then be able to recognize the divine love in everyone else. I will recognize the connection between myself and all of creation.

I have often said that we are all cells of the Divine body, and our only purpose is to love. In surrendering to this divine love within myself and acknowledging the Divine love in others, I begin to fulfill my purpose of loving unconditionally.

A few years ago I wrote a prayer that began: “Holy Mother, I am yours. I invite myself to come home to myself, to come home to you. I invite the me that is you and the you that is me to join together in a joyous dance of co-creation. Holy mother I am yours.”  This is my prayer of surrender to the Divine spark within me, so that I can co-create with the Holy. It is acceptance of what already exists within my deepest self, and it is my call to an authentic life.

Barbara Garland
June, 2023