Recalibrating

For the last several months I have let my meditation practice go. Instead of meditating as soon as I finish my walk, I either start on my tasks for the day or doom-scroll the internet. I convinced myself that I didn’t have time to spend thirty minutes meditating and journaling. As a consequence, I feel blah and uninspired. I haven’t written my blog on a regular basis because I feel disconnected from Source.

What is it about my human nature that prevents me from doing the things that I know are in my best interest – the things that will make me the happiest and healthiest physically, emotionally, and spiritually? Why is it so hard to practice spiritual self-care, especially when I know how much better I feel when I take care of myself?

To me self-care, even spiritual self-care, feels like indulgence, even play. I grew up with the strict admonition that play could only come after all the work had been done. And of course the work is never done. Consequently, I feel guilty for indulging in meditation, journaling, and all those little things that are part of my mental and spiritual health routine. It then becomes very easy to let everything else get in the way of my spiritual practices. There are emails to be written, notes to be transcribed, a house to be cleaned, clothes to be washed – a never ending litany of my to-do list. Because, quite frankly, it is easier to get caught up in the to-do list than it is to just be.

Being still and quiet seems indulgent. It feels like a waste of time. It is non-productive as far as the world is concerned. It seems selfish when there are so many problems in the world. It is the antithesis of what our culture demands. But it is absolutely necessary for my inner peace. And so I am resolving once again to set aside time to spend with myself and with God/dess. For me, it is the key to wholeness.

A Still Presence

I sit in silence waiting for the still presence of the Holy One.
Like the flutter of butterfly wings, almost imperceptible, She comes.
Invisible, yet present, I feel Her in
The wind on my face, the sound of the babbling brook, the call of a bird.

She will not come uninvited.
My stillness is her invitation, my quiet heart her home.
I sit in silence awaiting what She brings to me today.
I am here; She is here.
I am open; She shows me the way.

Barbara Garland
August, 2023