More on Surrender

I have vivid memories of altar calls in the church of my youth. We sang verse after verse of “I Surrender All,” until somebody finally decided to walk down the aisle and confess something in order to end all of our misery. As a result, I have struggled my entire life with the idea of surrendering to something outside of myself. I have toyed with semantics in earlier blog posts, using the words “inviting” and “allowing,” but nothing quite fits.

The idea of surrender has always felt like giving myself up to a conqueror or some kind of ruler outside of myself. For me it feels like slavery, not a joyous letting go. Although many spiritual teachers speak at length about surrendering the ego, I keep feeling like there is something missing, at least for me, with this idea.

Until now! In a deep conversation with a friend last week, it suddenly occurred to me that surrender isn’t giving myself up to an outer authority but rather it is giving myself to myself. Surrender is simply following the calling of my own Soul. It is both inviting and allowing my Soul, my deepest Self, to lead me where I need to go. It is following my Soul’s calling in spite of the demands of culture or family. It is becoming who I came in this world to be. It is discovering my personal “why” and allowing my “why” to inform the choices that I make.

Surrendering is not giving up, it is opening up. It is becoming my full, whole, amazing self no matter what others might think. It is giving up self-judgment and allowing myself to shine. It is an act of self-love. It is acknowledging the God/dess within and trusting the deep knowing that is in me. It is not giving up to something outside of myself. Rather it is accepting the divine spark that lives inside of me.

Surrender is juicy and wild. It is intuitive. It is balanced and whole. It is accepting and forgiving. Surrender is not something to be feared, but rather something to be embraced fully and joyously as I walk this life’s path.

Barbara Garland
March, 2022