Lying Fallow

“Sometimes a man can be a lot like a farm. He lets his heart lay fallow for a while, and instead of his feelings dying out, they just go dormant, his emotions growing deeper and stronger as time passes. A person only needs to clear away the weeds on the surface to uncover them.”  — Linda Kage

This week I have felt empty, out-of-sorts, and out-of-tune. I feel like the world is closing in on all of us, and I am helpless to make a difference. I feel burned out and tired – tired of the negativity and lack of compassion that I see manifesting daily. Although it is a foolish notion, I feel the weight of the world, and my empathic self wants to be able to flip a switch that will change it.

In this kind of emotional turmoil, I need to let go. I need to allow these feelings to alchemize into something deeper, to transform into something totally different. To do that I need to allow myself to lie fallow.

In agriculture, allowing the land to lie fallow gives it an opportunity to rest and renew. So it is in humans; we must rest in order to be productive later. For me, that means allowing myself to just be while doing the things that nurture my soul.  Walking, painting, journaling, meditating, conversations with friends, even mindless video games, can allow my brain to rest or to be engaged in a new way.  These things feed me and fill me up. They energize me and allow me to escape the circular thoughts that keep me trapped in my head.

I know that I am not the only one who is feeling the daily negativity. I know that I am not the only one who is feeling helpless to make a difference. While I know that I am more than this body and these thoughts, it is easy to forget that I am not alone, that there is a Source who upholds me even during the worst of times. It is easy to forget that I am enough – that I don’t have to do anything to be loved beyond measure.

In the tumult of today’s world, I need to quiet my soul, to stop the gerbil-on-the-wheel thoughts that invade my mind and keep me agitated and upset. I need to lie fallow for a while, to rest in the deep knowing that I am held and that I am worthy whether or not I am doing anything or accomplishing anything. It is the ultimate self-care – to lie fallow for a while, while my roots grow deep, and I reconnect with who I am at the deepest level.

Barbara Garland
July 2020