Heartbroken

The last couple of weeks have brought me to my knees. After the Supreme Court struck down Roe V. Wade I found myself weeping with rage and despair. It felt like the rug had been jerked out from under me and left me to fall into the never-ending abyss.  I know that I and millions of other women feel betrayed by a toxic Patriarchy that sees women (and others) as objects, not full human beings. We feel betrayed by our country, which no longer treats us as full citizens with rights to our own bodies.  My granddaughters will no longer have the same rights as I had when I was their age. I am angry, I am frustrated, and I am depressed by those very real facts.

As I see it, pro-life politics is really anti-life. The only concern of pro-lifers is a life in the womb. Once a child is born, they are unconcerned with the aftermath. Hence, we are one of the few developed nations without universal health care, paid parental leave, and other safety nets that support families, especially the poor and marginalized. Why aren’t pro-lifers anti-death penalty? Why are they gutting environmental protections that just might keep the world from climate disaster?  Why are they not passing meaningful gun control?

There is no concern for the woman who is being forced to give birth. Pregnancy is much more dangerous to a woman than abortion. The maternal mortality rate in this country is the highest in the world for a developed nation, and it is rising, not falling. In Texas, where I live, the maternal mortality rate is higher than in Kazakhstan, Turkey, or Chile. Where is the concern for the life of the mother or for the child forced to bear a child? Where is the common-sense medical component that allows a woman and her doctor to make decisions that could save the mother’s life? Where is the compassion for the children that already exist when another mouth to feed will force everyone to go hungry?

Let’s get real. The reason for taking away a woman’s agency over her own body is to exercise control. It is based in the patriarchal view that a woman is less than human and that she should be controlled by an all-powerful male god or his surrogates, also men (or women who have bought into the lie). While this is never spoken aloud, it is played out in churches around the country. The debate is never about the equal responsibility of male and female in pregnancy. It is about forcing a woman to give birth. It is about punishing her for the “sin” of having sex.

I am both pro-choice and pro-life. I am not advocating for abortion on demand. In my mind, there should be a time limit that ends when a baby is viable. Before then, it is the woman’s choice to decide on the most life-affirming course of action. That choice does not belong to a politician or to government but to a woman and her medical provider.

In this blog, I have always tried to bring a loving, spiritual perspective to deep and thorny questions. It is my way of digging deep for myself and hopefully inspiring others along the way. My perspective is not one of right or wrong, but of trying to see the whole elephant. I have thought deeply on this subject, and it leads me to following the thread of love.  What is the most loving response for the woman who is pregnant? What will lead to the most loving outcome and the least trauma for her and her family?

I continue to feel enraged, frustrated, despairing, terrified, helpless, and sometimes hopeless in the face of the Supreme Court decision. I, and many others, have been plunged into the very dark night of the soul. We are desperately trying to find hope for ourselves and all women in this impossible situation. There are no easy answers, and glimmers of hope are hard to see.  

For now, I will hold space for myself and others to feel this deep grief and anger, to feel all the feelings that are present. I will be still and listen to the voice of love and connection, the voice of the Divine Feminine as she leads me to a place of transformation and guides me to loving actions, whatever those actions may be.

Barbara Garland
July, 2022