Fear is a funny thing. On the one hand, it keeps me from running toward the lion or jumping off a cliff. On the other hand, it prevents me from speaking out and from being my true self with the people around me. While it can protect me from danger, it can also block my growth as a fully actualized human being. What I have discovered recently is that once I face my fear and act in spite of it, I become free.

I have always thought that by the time I reached my seventies that I would no longer care about what people think. I thought I would have left my fears behind. However I realize that there is still some small part of me that is afraid of losing people I care about if I show up as who I truly am. There is a fear that I will be rejected because of what I think and believe. For me, it has been a lifelong struggle to speak my truth to the wider world.

Writing this blog over the past two years has been a courage builder for me. It has been the first platform in which I publicly speak my truth. However, my readership consists mostly of folks who are on a similar path to mine, people who are open to looking at the world in an unconventional way. My readers. While they might not agree with every premise, are generally open to the general spiritual concepts that I write about.

Launching my book, a book that lays bare my deep spiritual struggles, is a difficult thing to do. It raises all the issues of speaking my truth, of what people will think, and of my fears of rejection. It was a huge step, and one that I agonized over. My book is my baby, and I had all kinds of fears that someone might call my baby ugly. So when I announced my book on Face Book last week and sent out invitations to my book-launching party, I finally let go of my fears of showing up to the world as a deeply spiritual, but non-religious person. I felt liberated and proud for acting in spite of my fears – those real, but mostly irrational anxieties that aren’t always even conscious.

And guess what? The world didn’t come to an end. My friends are excited that I am a published author and are happy to celebrate with me, even if they might not agree with me from a religious standpoint. And I am finally free of worrying about what anyone thinks. I stand in my truth and am proud of who I have become. While fear has not gone away, the next time it will be easier to act in spite of it.

Today I am celebrating my freedom, not from fear but from letting fear stop me! It has been a decades long journey that has never been easy, but after facing my fear and pushing through it, I am finally free to be the soul I was meant to be.

Thanks to all of you, who have encouraged me along the way.

Barbara Garland
October, 2022