When my mother died suddenly at the age of sixty-two, I was devastated. The shock and surprise of her death left me reeling. I was in a dark haze of grief. My mother, my mentor, my friend was gone. She was the one I always turned to when I didn’t know what to do. She was my rock, my anchor, and my best friend. I was lost.
One day, in the midst of my grief, I had a waking vision. I saw in my mind a long line of women. In the past, I saw my mother, my grandmother, my great-grandmother, and a long line of women who preceded them. In the future I saw my daughter and granddaughter and a long line of women who would come after them. I saw the past, present, and future of the women in my family, and it was a great comfort. In that moment I knew that death was not the end, but rather is a transformation to another state of being.
Even today, thirty-five years later, I still remember that vision and I continue to ponder its meaning for my life. First, I was in the middle of that long line of women. This tells me that I have the power to influence both the past and the present. As I continue to grow and learn the lessons that are mine, it is easy to see how they could influence my progeny. My daughter and granddaughters watch how I live my life and either adopt my way of living or determine not to live the same way I did. For good or ill, they take cues from me to learn how to navigate their own worlds. As I heal my own wounds, I become a model for healing. When I speak my truth, it gives them permission to speak theirs. Conversely, if I stay stuck in unhealthy behaviors, they might also stay stuck.
It is a little harder to see how my life influences the past. When the three generations that I knew were alive, our interactions made a difference in each of our lives. But I also believe that while my ancestors may be in another dimension, they are also able to see and observe my actions in this life; my healing opens up new dimensions in them. In my dreams and in my meditations I have the potential to free those ancestors from the wounds of the past.
In my vision, I was the center of the past and the future, but if I look at that line of women, each woman at her place in the line was the center of her own past and future. This says to me that we all have the power in our ancestral line to make a difference in our past and future generations. We are the present generation in those ancestral lines, and as such we are the pivot point. If we want to make a positive difference we must live each day to the fullest. We must accept and love ourselves as creations of the God/dess. We must bravely speak our truths. We must heal old wounds. We must forgive those who have wronged us. And most importantly, we must love fiercely.
As I look back over my life and the generations who influenced me, I am able to see a change in each succeeding generation. With each generation, the women have become stronger, more independent, more accepting and loving to themselves and others, more able to speak their truth. Part of my purpose is to carry on that legacy in gratitude to the generations who came before and in hope for the generations who come after.
Barbara Garland
June, 2023
