Month: April 2023

The Gift of Lament

It is just as important to acknowledge my pain as it is to acknowledge my joy.

April 28, 2023
2 Comments on The Gift of Lament

Tagged change, Grief, Lament, Mourning, Tears

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In my last blog, I wrote about being present to our personal and collective woundedness. I feel that it is just as important to acknowledge my pain as it is to acknowledge my joy. In truth, they are two sides of the same coin. We don’t recognize our full range of emotions unless we have felt the full range of our emotions. Although we don’t often use the word, to lament is not just to mourn, but to mourn deeply and publicly.

Last week, Fr. Richard Rohr’s daily meditations talked about public lamentations. The Hebrew people not only mourned privately, but they publicly lamented deep loss. This is in deep contrast to our modern culture which tends to downplay any kind of strong emotional response, especially if it is public. When a politician or celebrity cries on camera, social media has a heyday, creating memes that spread like wildfire. When a woman cries, she is considered to be too emotional. When a man cries, he is considered weak. Those who are grieving deep losses are expected to get over it and get back to “normal” in a matter of days. People are even afraid of breaking down at funerals! I find myself apologizing for my tears if I “lose it” in public. Tears are reserved for private spaces when one is alone because we wouldn’t want to make anyone else uncomfortable.

So many of us are feeling the deep grief of the past few years. We have experienced so many deaths, so many losses. However, We are clear-eyed about what is happening to the earth. We understand the consequences of trying to hide the truth of our history, of book bans, of inequity, of denying the personhood of so many classes of people. And in that clearness of vision lies a deep grief. I don’t know about you, but it makes me want to wail, to cry out to the God/dess in my own helplessness and frustration. I have thought many times that we need a national day, not of prayer, but of mourning which includes a set time for all of us to collectively raise our voices in one giant primal scream.

Brian McLaren, from the Center for Action and Contemplation, says that public lament is important because our tears keep things alive for us – they keep alive the folly of what is happening, the rage toward injustice, the desire for change, and the creativity of truth-telling. Lament is what keeps us from giving up and going along with the status quo. Lament is what drives us to change things, to turn around and change direction, to be open to new and better possibilities. Lament opens the door to growth.

My wonderful spiritual director, Eunice Schroeder, wrote: “But what if they [tears] are evidence of a deep flow of Spirit? What if they are a (often misunderstood) gift? Someone once told me that tears are ‘God’s lubricant.’ What if, when given the gift of tears, we are invited to join with the whole family of humanity in experiencing ALL the emotions of life itself?”

I have come to believe that I am not the only one who is experiencing a feeling of deep grief for the world in which we live. I invite those of you who feel that grief to embrace it as gift, a gift of the God/dess which calls us to lament and cry out together for change in the world.

Barbara Garland
April, 2023

When Does the Spiritual Become Political?

Being Present to Our Woundedness

If we pretend that everything is all right, we will never do anything to correct what is, in truth, killing us. We must be present to our own hurt and anguish, our own wounds in order to heal.

Goddess Inspired

April 16, 2023

Tagged compassion, empathy, Ripple Effect, Suffering, Woundedness

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My husband and I were privileged to attend an opening for the latest restaurant in our city, where we were seated with a lovely young woman who worked for the company which was launching the restaurant. She was probably in her mid to late thirties. (It is hard for me to tell because everyone who is not obviously elderly looks young to me.) We had a pleasant dinner conversation, but it was apparent that her generation has some real fear about the state of the world. There is an underlying angst within her about climate, the treatment of women and minorities, the possibility of war, inequality, injustice, et al.

I believe that many of us feel this uncurrent of uncertainty and fear, but we don’t often allow ourselves to fully feel it, much less share it. I know that my circle of friends tends to try to keep things light. We don’t want to step on toes by venturing into the political realms, so it becomes easier to push those feelings down and pretend as if they didn’t exist. It is easier to wear a cheerful mask and talk about the latest football scores than to confront the existential angst of living in the modern world.

The truth is that I feel deep anguish about the state of the world. I see the brokenness and woundedness that surrounds us. Just last night there was another mass shooting where teenagers were killed. I see racial injustice, poverty, denial of health care to women and the poor, climate disasters, and war. As an empath, I deeply feel the pain of the world.

This morning I was re-reading a book called Circle of Stones: Woman’s Journey to Herself, by Judith Duerk. Written in 1989, this book was one of the first books that led me on my journey to the concept of the Divine Feminine. One of the things Duerk talks about is acknowledging our woundedness. “Only by being present to the woundedness in ourselves can we be present to the woundedness of others…The woundedness in each of us must be fully owned and fully suffered for it to received succor and be comforted.” P. 104

I believe that it is imperative that we acknowledge the wounds that we carry as individuals and collectively as a nation. If we don’t acknowledge the wounds, if we don’t treat them, they will begin to fester and putrefy, infecting us with poison and killing us from within. If we pretend that everything is all right, we will never do anything to correct what is, in truth, killing us. We must be present to our own hurt and anguish, our own wounds in order to heal. We must acknowledge the past in order to heal the present as well as the future.

We have been conditioned to ignore our pain, to work through it. If we ignore it, it will go away. If we pretend like we are perfect, then we are. If we admit there is a problem, then we are weak. However, if we can’t see or acknowledge our own wounds, we can’t see or acknowledge the wounds of others. We are left with pain, frustration, even anger. We either project our wounds onto others or deny the validity of their pain. We are unable to feel empathy or compassion. In the absence of compassion, we substitute rules and laws and never address the root cause of our pain – which is not being present to our own woundedness.

The journey to wholeness is a deeply feminine, inward journey into the darkness and the depths. It is a journey to acknowledge and accept my own wounds, which is the path to healing. It is only when I acknowledge my own wounds that I can be present to the wounds of others and the wounds of the world. When I heal myself, then the ripples go out to heal the world.

Barbara Garland
April, 2023

Finding Faith in the Dark

Sometimes faith is such a slender thread that I don’t even know it exists, but it is ultimately what gives me the strength to carry on in the midst of the dark. It is only in the dark that I can recognize that my faith is real.

Goddess Inspired

April 7, 2023

Tagged darkness, Faith, hope, love, Trust

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Over forty years ago, I made the difficult decision to divorce my then-husband and the father of my children. I was losing myself in a toxic relationship that threatened to destroy me. It was 1980, and I was wracked by guilt and shame. I didn’t want to hurt myself, my children or my extended family. It was one of the lowest points in my life. I felt estranged from both God and the people I loved. I felt completely alone, abandoned by the God and church that I thought I believed in.

One day, in the depths of my despair, I made a decision. In my mind, I deliberately jumped into the dark abyss. It was the only way I knew to find out if my faith was real. At that moment I felt myself lifted up and held by something far greater than myself. At that moment I knew that I wasn’t completely alone. It is a moment I will never forget.

As I think about what faith is and isn’t, I realize that it is very easy to have faith when things are going well. Unless and until I am tested, I have no idea whether or not my faith is real. C.H. Spurgeon says, “To trust God in the light is nothing, but trust him in the dark – that is faith.” It is only when I am in the dark that I can recognize that I am not alone. It is only when I feel lost and forsaken by God, that I can truly recognize that God lives in me and will not ever leave me.

Having faith in a structure is not the same as having faith in the Source. Institutions, religions, rules, dogma – these are the things that many people put their faith in. But ultimately they are small comfort in the depths of despair. Institutions fall, and rules don’t make sense. Having faith in these things will ultimately lead to disappointment and disillusionment. But having faith in the ultimate power of love will lead to hope.

My faith has been tested many times in my life – divorce, death, losses of many kinds. Usually, in those dark places, I couldn’t see love holding me up. I just had to have faith that I wasn’t alone. As I look back over my life, I can see where I was guided and held. Each time I was in the depths, I had to rely on my faith that love would eventually see me through. Each time my faith grew stronger.

On the cross, Jesus cried out to his father, asking why he had abandoned him; but even in death Jesus trusted that his spirit was in good hands, that no matter what, he was loved. Sometimes faith is such a slender thread that I don’t even know it exists, but it is ultimately what gives me the strength to carry on in the midst of the dark. It is only in the dark that I can recognize that my faith is real.

Barbara Garland
April 2023

Clearing Out the Clutter

As I begin to clear out the clutter in my home and in my psyche, I find that there is room for deeper connections with what remains. There is more joy and more peace. And I am grateful.

Goddess Inspired

April 1, 2023

Tagged Cleaning, Clearing the Psyche, Intentionality, Spiritual Practice

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I have lived in my current home for almost fourteen years, the longest I have ever lived in one house. It is amazing to me how much clutter we have collected in those fourteen years. In the past we averaged about six years in one house. Every move was an opportunity to clear out and throw away things that were no longer useful. Each new home was an opportunity to arrange and organize the things we had kept – a place for everything and everything in its place. In each new home, everything felt fresh and new. Now it is time to look at my current home as if I were moving again.

I have been thinking that my spiritual life is a lot like living in a home. (I am speaking from a place of privilege here.) I came into this world as a fresh and innocent baby. Along the way, I collected a lot of stuff – stuff that got crammed into the nooks and crannies of my conscious and unconscious mind. Some of the stuff is useful, some beautiful, and some very necessary for living life. Some is not so useful, some is ugly, and some is downright harmful. Over time I crammed all that stuff into my psyche and then forgot it. However all that stuff continued to hum in the background causing me to act unconsciously.

As I grow older I have a desire not only to declutter my home, but also to declutter my deep self. I want to let go of the stuff that no longer serves, both in my home and in my inner life. I want to find the fresh and new within myself. I want to rearrange the furniture and throw out the accumulation of junk that piled up when I wasn’t paying attention. I want to let the good stuff be displayed and let go of the stuff that holds me back or trips me up.

It is not easy to clean out the clutter. There are memories associated with even the most mundane things. That pin belonged to my grandmother; that table belonged to his grandparents. The high school yearbook brings back memories of youth. The clutter within is even more difficult to let go of. Some of it is hidden and difficult to find. Some of it has protected me and helped me to survive. Some of it is completely unconscious.

As I engage in a daily spiritual practice, I find that it becomes easier to let go of the things in my behavior which no longer serve. It becomes easier to forgive myself and others. It becomes easier to stay grounded and to allow my feelings to flow through me, not rule me. It becomes easier to let go of the clutter and be at peace.

However, the clearing out process takes intentionality and discipline. I have to set aside time and make an effort. I must do the work, or nothing changes. I can’t just say that I want to declutter, I must do actually do it.

As I begin to clear out the clutter in my home and in my psyche, I find that there is room for deeper connections with what remains. There is more joy and more peace. And I am grateful.

Barbara Garland
April, 2023

About

New blogs will be added to this post every Friday.

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About Me

I am a seeker of truth, a truth teller, a lover of the Divine Feminine, an aspiring writer, a mystery, an open book, a work in progress. I have lived a long and varied life, and now in my seventies, I am being called to share some of what I have learned over the years. I hope to share the wisdom of the deep Feminine that is being channeled through me.

If the Goddess has ever whispered to you, I invite you to join me on an incredible journey of love and discovery. May you hear Her wisdom through these words.

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